Diya. first love !
My alarm though has very mild and sweet tone but still irritates me when it beeps in the morning. I raised my head and saw the time, 6: 30 am. I dropped my head on the world’s best invention, pillow. No matter what you say, bed is so interesting in mornings. Oh, by the way I am Saral, in Hindi it means easy or straight. However nothing in my life is easy or straight. Why? Well, so many reasons. I flunked twice in Tenth; at least twice I would have accident in a year and so many things. Moreover, I have never loved nor been loved and that is the biggest worry regarding living here in this world where you see couples all around roaming. I envy them. Seriously, I too want to walk holding a girl’s hand, conforming that I would not allow her to face any problems alone, I too want to kiss a girl assuring her that her future would be happy and I too want a shoulder to lie on to cry, smile and laugh through out my life. I too wanted to love.
I woke up after so many irritating sounds of my alarm. I study in DG Vaishnav College in Chennai and everyday there is usual for me but today that wasn’t.
Angel, name poets often use to express beauty, kindness of a girl but when I saw her, I thought Angel is just a word. Beautiful again is just a word for her, she is its extreme or may be beyond that. I stepped inside my college and that was where I saw her. She stood near the Nescafe stall sipping her coffee. I looked above and saw the sky, I thanked god for this day. I felt like Sachin Tendulkar, thanking God for his century.
“You are in love, my son” the god replied (Imagination, of course)
That whole day I didn’t see her again. I waited till the evening standing with security guard, like a guard but god was not gracious enough. I again looked above to the sky,
“Better don’t waste your time buddy, you don’t have any other work?” the voice came but not from the god but from the security guard,
“Oh, I was waiting for my friend.” I said and the guard looked into my eyes and smiled. He found that I was lying, obviously he had seen so many men saying this when they wait before the college gate.
I was in deep sleep, it was a Sunday. I got a call from my friend Ashish at morning 10.00 am, it was bloody so early to get up.
“Tell me,” I said half asleep.
“Dude, I just screwed things up.” He said.
“What?” I said scratching my head.
“Man, my bike is not getting started and Pooja is waiting there at Express Avenue. She will blast over me if I get late. Please… please… please, drop me over there.” He said. Sometimes these lovers especially “men” are so cowards. I mean before love they show how audacious they are to make a girl love them and later when they are in relationship, the women does the Audacity and men, just nod their head and Ashish was no less compared to “turning coward men.”
“Find an auto, fucker. I am sleeping.” I said.
“Dude... Dude… Dude... Come down dude, I am waiting.” Ashish lives near my house and damn him of waking me so early.
We came to Express Avenue, a mall by 11. 30. I saw Pooja waiting for Ashish near the entrance. Pooja never travels alone; she always calls her friends also. She came with a girl. Her back was so known to me and when she turned, my head rotated like Robo Rajinikanths in Robot film. The girl whom I saw in college was standing with her, I again looked above at the sky and the voice came, “Fucker, why are you looking up?” no, no not the god, it was Ashish.
“Hey, you are late.” Pooja said. I was looking at her beautiful (or beyond that) girl.
“whose this?” Ashish asked.
“Oh she is my friend, Diya!” she said and I just couldn’t hear their rest of the conversation. I was just looking at her like a kid looking at candy shop!
“Okay, fine lets go!” Pooja said.
“Okay, dude bye!” Ashish said. They went to watch movie. Diya didn’t go with them because she had some work. This was my best chance. I decided to talk to her.
“Hey, hi. I am Saral.” I said and stretched my hands towards her. She looked at me and as if it was a formality she said a HI. I was not going to leave her that. She was the first girl who bombed my heart and she is responsible for everything else.
“Coffee?” I asked in filmy style where you push your one eyebrow up.
“No have to rush. Got some work” she said and walked away without even looking at me. That was rude but I liked it.
Next time when I saw her was in the coffee shop of our college. She stood their wearing a red salwar kamiz, with much caution she held her coffee cup and with at most beauty she sipped it. Love is something which makes you notice small-small things which your mate does and apparently you like them all.
“Hi,” I came to her and said.
“Oh… you, er… sorry I forgot your name.” she said. I smiled and said, “Saral”
“Ya.. How are you Saral?” she asked.
“Great, actually bindass” I said.
“Hmmm… fine I have to go now, class is there. Meet you sometime else.” I hate her for this reason, every time she rushes to go somewhere.
“Next time, coffee?” I asked.
“Hmmm… lets see.”
We become friends, slowly. We never talk much but I was sure that I was getting closer to her. She always had one word answers for everything I ask. How you are doing? Fine! What do you do in free time? Nothing! I am afraid of her answers. Ashish knew that I am in love with her. He looked at me and asked, “Why don’t you tell her?”
“No dude, I don’t want to rush!” I said. Ashish came near me and said, “Dude, I read a story written by friend, A WET SUNDAY. In that story hero did the same thing, waited for the girl to say the love first and at last he almost lost her in tsunami! I would tell you to say it as soon as possible or else your love might just get missed.”
I got feared, I never read that story but still it created something disturbing inside me. I decided to open my heart to her.
I called her to one coffee shop near our college. She looked awesome as usual. My heart was racing like anything. I could hear my heart beat saying, “don’t tell-yes tell…don’t tell- yes tell” she started the conversation, “So tell me, what you wanted to talk?” a sound from inside said, “NO FILMY DIALOGUE, just be straight!”
I cleared my throat and said, “Let me come to the point straight away. I m in love with you from day I saw you first. This is my first love, I don’t know much about this still…” I didn’t complete but she raised and went of. I could see her from the glass door. She crossed the road wiping her tears. She took an auto and went. I was just sitting there looking at my coffee cup and the vapour. I shouldn’t have rushed. I will that Ashish and that story writer.
“All well huh?” Ashish asked coming to my house.
“Who was the story writer friend you said that day?” I asked.
“Sharath da, why?” he asked.
“I am going to kill both of you fuckers. She cried and went, you know?” I sat their crying.
“I shouldn’t have rushed.” I said wiping my tears. Ashish didn’t speak.
From that day, Diya never talked to me. Every time I met her, she would ignore me. I was broken day by day. And one fine day, I decided to talk to her. “Stop” I said holding her hand. People around looked at us. I mean in college, no one behaved so harsh with girls. She saw other staring at us, she turned and “SLAP” slapped me.
“What do you want?” she asked and I saw her eyes let a small tear drop outside.
“Seriously, I want to talk to you.” I said. She waited for sometime. She looked straight into my eyes, for the first time and said, “fine.”
We were sitting near the college canteen. She didn’t look at me.
“Look at me Diya.” I said.
“No, I don’t want to, just tell what you wanted to talk and I will go.” She said looking somewhere else.
“I love you.” I said and in a reflex she looked at me and said, “Are you mad?” I nodded. “I am mad, very much. I love you so much. Even if you ignore I will follow you everywhere,” I said.
“You can’t.” she said
“I can.”
“No you can’t. You can’t follow me till my grave.” I don’t know why she said but I was in a shock when she said this.
“I won’t let you die, for sure.” I assured.
“You can’t stop my death Saral. My date is fixed.” She said and I was blown out. “What?” I asked.
“Did you hear a story about a girl who was gang raped in Delhi?” again she confused me.
“No.”
“Then search in some website, you might find it. You will find a case of a beautiful girl being raped by a gang of four people. She was…” emotions blocked her throat but she insisted to continue it. She fought with her emotions and talked. “… she was coming back from her college, late of course but suddenly four drunken people came and…. And….er…. raped her. They tore her dress and by the time she could fight back, they won over her.” She looked at me and for the first time I avoided her eye contact. She continued, “People laughed made fun of her father. Her father couldn’t face the insult and hung himself on a fan. She was left alone with her mom. She decided to move to Chennai. She came here and to her surprise God gave her another gift called, AIDS. She was broken but she was adamant to live in this world. No one loved her from that day. She lost all happiness in her life after that. She couldn’t complete her journey. And one fine day a boy comes and proposes her. Is she in a state to love him?” I was scattered when I understood that she was telling her story to me. She will die soon.
“Still I love you,” I said. She got pissed off this time and started blowing her anger on me. “Are you sick? I am telling you that I will die soon but still you are blabbering like idiot.”
“I love you.” I again said.
“You lost your mind.” She said and started walking but I again spoke, “I love you Diya. I love YOU not your body or your beauty. I just love you. You said that your journey stopped at one place and you never moved from there but my love can push you beyond the limits of happiness you lost one point of time and of course, you could complete your journey holding my hands tight. You don’t have to love me back but I have a small request, just spend a little time with me everyday and I can bring happiness back.” I was unaware of how could I give back those happiness but my heart felt light and I had that strength of confidence.
She resisted this first but after my so much of compulsion and annoying phone calls she agreed to come with me. I took this chance; we roamed all over Chennai from malls to beaches. From zoos to cinemas, I made her life cherished. I talked to her, took care. I would not talk to her if she didn’t take her dinner properly. She was happy when she was with me but for me that wasn’t sufficient. I promised her to take her journey beyond happiness; I cracked jokes, spent my most of the time with her and showed her all joys of this world. I proved that her life is worth living. Slowly she enjoyed each moment of her life and later she would not talk to me if I didn’t take my lunch.
We both sat on a bench of her favourite park. I bought her a cotton candy. She ate it and you would forgot everything around and watch that beauty of eating a cotton candy.
“I love you,” I said looking at her. She stopped her eating and turned towards me. She avoided the eye contact.
“Look at me.” I said.
“I can’t.” she said in a reflex.
“Why?”
“ ‘cause I am in love with you.” She said. I smiled looking at her. I let a tear down which glided through my cheeks unknowingly. She took my hand and then rested her head on my shoulder.
“Thanks a lot Saral.” She said.
“Why?”
“You gave a glance of happiness which I desperately wanted.
“I am born to give you happiness more and more. I am telling you Diya, be with me. What you have just felt is a trailer, there is more to see…. Diya… are you listening.” I looked at her and she was smiling and her eyes were closed.
“Why are you smiling?” I asked but no reply came. I lifted her head but she fell on my chest. My heart raced, “Diya…, Diya…” there was no use of calling her; God loved her more than me. She was dead. It was expected but I had a relief that she had a smile on face at the end. My first love was lying on my chest, smiling. She loved me back. Now she is a proper angel.
There are so many people out there fighting hard to live in a society like this. No one understood the pain of being thrown away. Diya had that feeling in her. I erased it. I gave her happiness. To all you readers just give happiness in whatever way you can to your lover and people who desperately need it. Sometimes God is so cruel that he might love your loved ones.
Remembering Diya,
Saral.
My alarm though has very mild and sweet tone but still irritates me when it beeps in the morning. I raised my head and saw the time, 6: 30 am. I dropped my head on the world’s best invention, pillow. No matter what you say, bed is so interesting in mornings. Oh, by the way I am Saral, in Hindi it means easy or straight. However nothing in my life is easy or straight. Why? Well, so many reasons. I flunked twice in Tenth; at least twice I would have accident in a year and so many things. Moreover, I have never loved nor been loved and that is the biggest worry regarding living here in this world where you see couples all around roaming. I envy them. Seriously, I too want to walk holding a girl’s hand, conforming that I would not allow her to face any problems alone, I too want to kiss a girl assuring her that her future would be happy and I too want a shoulder to lie on to cry, smile and laugh through out my life. I too wanted to love.
I woke up after so many irritating sounds of my alarm. I study in DG Vaishnav College in Chennai and everyday there is usual for me but today that wasn’t.
Angel, name poets often use to express beauty, kindness of a girl but when I saw her, I thought Angel is just a word. Beautiful again is just a word for her, she is its extreme or may be beyond that. I stepped inside my college and that was where I saw her. She stood near the Nescafe stall sipping her coffee. I looked above and saw the sky, I thanked god for this day. I felt like Sachin Tendulkar, thanking God for his century.
“You are in love, my son” the god replied (Imagination, of course)
That whole day I didn’t see her again. I waited till the evening standing with security guard, like a guard but god was not gracious enough. I again looked above to the sky,
“Better don’t waste your time buddy, you don’t have any other work?” the voice came but not from the god but from the security guard,
“Oh, I was waiting for my friend.” I said and the guard looked into my eyes and smiled. He found that I was lying, obviously he had seen so many men saying this when they wait before the college gate.
I was in deep sleep, it was a Sunday. I got a call from my friend Ashish at morning 10.00 am, it was bloody so early to get up.
“Tell me,” I said half asleep.
“Dude, I just screwed things up.” He said.
“What?” I said scratching my head.
“Man, my bike is not getting started and Pooja is waiting there at Express Avenue. She will blast over me if I get late. Please… please… please, drop me over there.” He said. Sometimes these lovers especially “men” are so cowards. I mean before love they show how audacious they are to make a girl love them and later when they are in relationship, the women does the Audacity and men, just nod their head and Ashish was no less compared to “turning coward men.”
“Find an auto, fucker. I am sleeping.” I said.
“Dude... Dude… Dude... Come down dude, I am waiting.” Ashish lives near my house and damn him of waking me so early.
We came to Express Avenue, a mall by 11. 30. I saw Pooja waiting for Ashish near the entrance. Pooja never travels alone; she always calls her friends also. She came with a girl. Her back was so known to me and when she turned, my head rotated like Robo Rajinikanths in Robot film. The girl whom I saw in college was standing with her, I again looked above at the sky and the voice came, “Fucker, why are you looking up?” no, no not the god, it was Ashish.
“Hey, you are late.” Pooja said. I was looking at her beautiful (or beyond that) girl.
“whose this?” Ashish asked.
“Oh she is my friend, Diya!” she said and I just couldn’t hear their rest of the conversation. I was just looking at her like a kid looking at candy shop!
“Okay, fine lets go!” Pooja said.
“Okay, dude bye!” Ashish said. They went to watch movie. Diya didn’t go with them because she had some work. This was my best chance. I decided to talk to her.
“Hey, hi. I am Saral.” I said and stretched my hands towards her. She looked at me and as if it was a formality she said a HI. I was not going to leave her that. She was the first girl who bombed my heart and she is responsible for everything else.
“Coffee?” I asked in filmy style where you push your one eyebrow up.
“No have to rush. Got some work” she said and walked away without even looking at me. That was rude but I liked it.
Next time when I saw her was in the coffee shop of our college. She stood their wearing a red salwar kamiz, with much caution she held her coffee cup and with at most beauty she sipped it. Love is something which makes you notice small-small things which your mate does and apparently you like them all.
“Hi,” I came to her and said.
“Oh… you, er… sorry I forgot your name.” she said. I smiled and said, “Saral”
“Ya.. How are you Saral?” she asked.
“Great, actually bindass” I said.
“Hmmm… fine I have to go now, class is there. Meet you sometime else.” I hate her for this reason, every time she rushes to go somewhere.
“Next time, coffee?” I asked.
“Hmmm… lets see.”
We become friends, slowly. We never talk much but I was sure that I was getting closer to her. She always had one word answers for everything I ask. How you are doing? Fine! What do you do in free time? Nothing! I am afraid of her answers. Ashish knew that I am in love with her. He looked at me and asked, “Why don’t you tell her?”
“No dude, I don’t want to rush!” I said. Ashish came near me and said, “Dude, I read a story written by friend, A WET SUNDAY. In that story hero did the same thing, waited for the girl to say the love first and at last he almost lost her in tsunami! I would tell you to say it as soon as possible or else your love might just get missed.”
I got feared, I never read that story but still it created something disturbing inside me. I decided to open my heart to her.
I called her to one coffee shop near our college. She looked awesome as usual. My heart was racing like anything. I could hear my heart beat saying, “don’t tell-yes tell…don’t tell- yes tell” she started the conversation, “So tell me, what you wanted to talk?” a sound from inside said, “NO FILMY DIALOGUE, just be straight!”
I cleared my throat and said, “Let me come to the point straight away. I m in love with you from day I saw you first. This is my first love, I don’t know much about this still…” I didn’t complete but she raised and went of. I could see her from the glass door. She crossed the road wiping her tears. She took an auto and went. I was just sitting there looking at my coffee cup and the vapour. I shouldn’t have rushed. I will that Ashish and that story writer.
“All well huh?” Ashish asked coming to my house.
“Who was the story writer friend you said that day?” I asked.
“Sharath da, why?” he asked.
“I am going to kill both of you fuckers. She cried and went, you know?” I sat their crying.
“I shouldn’t have rushed.” I said wiping my tears. Ashish didn’t speak.
From that day, Diya never talked to me. Every time I met her, she would ignore me. I was broken day by day. And one fine day, I decided to talk to her. “Stop” I said holding her hand. People around looked at us. I mean in college, no one behaved so harsh with girls. She saw other staring at us, she turned and “SLAP” slapped me.
“What do you want?” she asked and I saw her eyes let a small tear drop outside.
“Seriously, I want to talk to you.” I said. She waited for sometime. She looked straight into my eyes, for the first time and said, “fine.”
We were sitting near the college canteen. She didn’t look at me.
“Look at me Diya.” I said.
“No, I don’t want to, just tell what you wanted to talk and I will go.” She said looking somewhere else.
“I love you.” I said and in a reflex she looked at me and said, “Are you mad?” I nodded. “I am mad, very much. I love you so much. Even if you ignore I will follow you everywhere,” I said.
“You can’t.” she said
“I can.”
“No you can’t. You can’t follow me till my grave.” I don’t know why she said but I was in a shock when she said this.
“I won’t let you die, for sure.” I assured.
“You can’t stop my death Saral. My date is fixed.” She said and I was blown out. “What?” I asked.
“Did you hear a story about a girl who was gang raped in Delhi?” again she confused me.
“No.”
“Then search in some website, you might find it. You will find a case of a beautiful girl being raped by a gang of four people. She was…” emotions blocked her throat but she insisted to continue it. She fought with her emotions and talked. “… she was coming back from her college, late of course but suddenly four drunken people came and…. And….er…. raped her. They tore her dress and by the time she could fight back, they won over her.” She looked at me and for the first time I avoided her eye contact. She continued, “People laughed made fun of her father. Her father couldn’t face the insult and hung himself on a fan. She was left alone with her mom. She decided to move to Chennai. She came here and to her surprise God gave her another gift called, AIDS. She was broken but she was adamant to live in this world. No one loved her from that day. She lost all happiness in her life after that. She couldn’t complete her journey. And one fine day a boy comes and proposes her. Is she in a state to love him?” I was scattered when I understood that she was telling her story to me. She will die soon.
“Still I love you,” I said. She got pissed off this time and started blowing her anger on me. “Are you sick? I am telling you that I will die soon but still you are blabbering like idiot.”
“I love you.” I again said.
“You lost your mind.” She said and started walking but I again spoke, “I love you Diya. I love YOU not your body or your beauty. I just love you. You said that your journey stopped at one place and you never moved from there but my love can push you beyond the limits of happiness you lost one point of time and of course, you could complete your journey holding my hands tight. You don’t have to love me back but I have a small request, just spend a little time with me everyday and I can bring happiness back.” I was unaware of how could I give back those happiness but my heart felt light and I had that strength of confidence.
She resisted this first but after my so much of compulsion and annoying phone calls she agreed to come with me. I took this chance; we roamed all over Chennai from malls to beaches. From zoos to cinemas, I made her life cherished. I talked to her, took care. I would not talk to her if she didn’t take her dinner properly. She was happy when she was with me but for me that wasn’t sufficient. I promised her to take her journey beyond happiness; I cracked jokes, spent my most of the time with her and showed her all joys of this world. I proved that her life is worth living. Slowly she enjoyed each moment of her life and later she would not talk to me if I didn’t take my lunch.
We both sat on a bench of her favourite park. I bought her a cotton candy. She ate it and you would forgot everything around and watch that beauty of eating a cotton candy.
“I love you,” I said looking at her. She stopped her eating and turned towards me. She avoided the eye contact.
“Look at me.” I said.
“I can’t.” she said in a reflex.
“Why?”
“ ‘cause I am in love with you.” She said. I smiled looking at her. I let a tear down which glided through my cheeks unknowingly. She took my hand and then rested her head on my shoulder.
“Thanks a lot Saral.” She said.
“Why?”
“You gave a glance of happiness which I desperately wanted.
“I am born to give you happiness more and more. I am telling you Diya, be with me. What you have just felt is a trailer, there is more to see…. Diya… are you listening.” I looked at her and she was smiling and her eyes were closed.
“Why are you smiling?” I asked but no reply came. I lifted her head but she fell on my chest. My heart raced, “Diya…, Diya…” there was no use of calling her; God loved her more than me. She was dead. It was expected but I had a relief that she had a smile on face at the end. My first love was lying on my chest, smiling. She loved me back. Now she is a proper angel.
There are so many people out there fighting hard to live in a society like this. No one understood the pain of being thrown away. Diya had that feeling in her. I erased it. I gave her happiness. To all you readers just give happiness in whatever way you can to your lover and people who desperately need it. Sometimes God is so cruel that he might love your loved ones.
Remembering Diya,
Saral.
No comments:
Post a Comment