You either live or die in this world. There is no other option. This is a common belief of a common man. But, look at God’s magical creation- Love. It gives you an option of dying each second you live. I am sitting in this fake world facing the reality of life. I have heard about hell, I am feeling it now. I am sitting in this jail I was bought in minutes ago. I have to now take decision either to live in a hell or die and literally live in a hell. I have sinned; I have to go to hell. I have to go. I took that small blade from my pocket and went to a corner of the jail where no one can see me. The blade had blood stains. I smiled and took it and cut my veins. I didn’t shout. I enjoyed the pain. I slowly was dragged to death. Moments later I saw nothing!
Years ago:
The advantage of being bought up in a slum is that you don’t have to fear anything. You see lot of things which those rich guys call hell. I have seen people dying of Malaria. I have myself drunk the dirty water of this slum and thus was hospitalized for so many days. I am Vasu and I don’t fear anything or anyone now. Politicians, gangsters, prostitutes were like guests like those fat mosquitoes which drinks your blood and when you try to kill it, well it just flies away. I was 15 years old when actually I become a mosquito myself. A small time rowdy you can say. It was the election time and you can guess how bad a slum can get when it is an election. The candidates knocked each and every door and would give enormous amount of money for each vote. It was when I met Ram Anna, a candidate for MLA who was a gangster in Mumbai and was a close associate of Varadharajan. He came to our small house and with his big smile said, “Vannakam. Vote for us.” And he gave his party’s pamphlet inside which had Rs. 200. When he was about to leave his man came running splashing the dirty water. He came near him and said, “Our men… are dead..” Ram Anna looked all around and slapped him in public. The whole slum went silent.
“I don’t care.” He said and smiled and waved a hand to the crowd and went. Later I enquired more about him to the local rowdies of our slum. He was a powerful man. But he had an enemy who would torture him every time, an enemy who liked to be a huddle in his progress. His name was Khan, a real estate business man and killing him was Ram Anna’s aim.
“So… they tried to kill him but instead Ram Anna’s men got killed, right?” I asked one of the local rowdy. He gave me a nod while he sipped his tea.
“If anyone could kill him, then that’s it. Ram Anna will do anything for that person.” That rowdy said.
Later there was news that these two gangs had a big clash. Khan was all over the TV. I was at Chetpet Railway station. It was night, around 11: 30 pm. I was walking then suddenly something hurt me. I looked down and saw a blade which cut my toe. I took it in my hand and saw the train coming and stopping. That was the first time I saw Khan. He was sitting near window. To take a closer look I went inside. The compartment was empty. I sat facing him. He saw me and smiled. I smiled back. I opened my fist and saw the blade in my hand. I was shivering. Ideas about killing him were coming into my mind. I don’t know why. He again looked at me and said, “You go to school?” I didn’t reply. I looked down. He leaned towards me and asked again, “Hello, you go to school?” I took the blade and with all power pulled it across his neck. For the first time blood splashed on my face. He was shouting. I was shivering. “If anyone could kill him, then that’s it. Ram Anna will do anything for that person.”This thing was echoing in my head. I ran the blade across his neck again and again till he stopped shouting. He was kicking in the air. I was seeing a person die in front of me. The train stopped and I ran from there. While running I was thinking why did I kill him? Where did I get so much of courage? Was it because I grew up seeing so many bad people or was it just like that? No matter what, I am a murderer now and I was running. Soon police caught me and I was sent to jail but there was someone who came to see me. It was Ram Anna,
“Here is our little hero.” He said looking at me. I didn’t look at him. “Look at me.” he said and I did.
“Go study. You are not born for this.” He said. I looked at him and said, “If I wasn’t born for this then I might not have killed him.”
“Vasu, you have a future; you are just 15 years old. Go out and do something better.” He said and turned back to leave.
“I will kill anyone.” I said. He turned back. He opened the jail and “SLAP”, slapped me. “Next time I hear that word from your mouth I will kill you.” I was weeping. He went out and actually arranged things to get me out of the jail.
Years passed I was not included in his gang, so I created mine. Give me money and I will do whatever you want me to do. I was 28 years old. I got an assignment. I had to transfer 16 lakh worth cocaine from the port to one of the leading pub in Chennai near ECR. We took the consignment and were screeching around the city. I got a phone call from my associate.
“Police found us. Escape, Vasu.” He said and hung up. I was thinking of what to do. I had to send this thing to the pub.
“Drive faster.” I said to my friend who was driving. We were at a signal. It was still red. “Don’t obey the rules just drive,” I said and he did the same but suddenly we bumped on a girl who was driving scooty. That was the first time I saw Ramya. Blood was pouring out of her right leg. I felt sorry for the first time in my life. Her beauty was beyond words. But my friend, Kishore managed to get away from the chaos. We saw a line of police vehicle waiting for us. “Stop” I shouted. We took a right turn and stopped our vehicle. I was vclueless of what to do. I came out and saw two rag pickers picking garbage from the streets.
“Give them these and take those two bags which they have.” I said giving Rs.500 to Kishore. He was confused. He looked at me and asked, “What?”
“Just do what I say.” He did the same. I transferred all our cocaine into that bag and covered it with more garbage. I took the rag pickers dress and asked my friends to wear it. They hesitated but later agreed. They still looked okay. I slapped one of them. His eyes were red now. I slapped the other and his eyes were also red. I ran my hand through their hair. I took dirt from the road and threw it on them. They were close enough to be like a rag picker. I gave them the bags and said, “Act like a rag picker. When you reach near police try to pick some garbage from there. Cross them and keep walking. I will be coming behind.”
“Why you are not dressed like a rag picker?” one of them asked.
“Police knows me. So shut it and do what I say.” I ordered and they kept walking. I waited for a moment and then took my car. I went near the police. A policeman stopped the vehicle. “We got information that you are carrying Cocaine.”
“Co.. what? Sir, I left such job.” I said acting simple.
“Get down from the car, we have to search.” The policeman ordered. I got off and saw Kishore crossing me. They did exactly what I said. To add more reality dogs barked at them. Police didn’t even notice them. They checked my vehicle fully and said their usual dialogue “Sorry wrong information.” I smiled at them and drove my vehicle away- far from Police’s sight. I carried my friends from distance and we completed the task. As a result 1 lack rupees was in my hand. That night I couldn’t sleep. Her face was still killing my sleep. My close friend Mani came.
“You are still awake?” he asked.
“Yes, what brings you this late night?” I asked him back. He blushed I guess then he said, “Mama, we have planned to married.”
“Who?”
“Me and Bhuvana.” He said. I was so happy for him. At last my close friend decided to settle down. “But don’t worry I will come with you even after marriage huh!” he gave me an assurance. I said no. “Soon you will have a family; I don’t want to risk their life too.”
“There is no Vasu without Mani. I know that. Moreover I am not suggesting I am ordering. So shut it.” He said. I thanked God for giving me such a great friend. I hugged him and said, “When is the marriage?”
“Next month.”
Mani was married and the whole slum was rejoicing. That was the day I saw her again but this was some other situation. A gang was molesting her in my slum. I ran to her and kicked one. When they saw me, “Vasu Anna,”
“Stay away,” I yelled. They ran. I looked at her for the first time, so close. She wore a jean and a t shirt. She looked beautiful as usual. She had a big camera in her hand. “Girls don’t usually come alone to such slum area.”
“Oh… I…was...well thank you for saving me.” she said.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I am a Visual communication student. I heard that this slum was having a marriage function so came to take some pictures for my project.” She spoke so fast that I could only figure out some words like ‘communication’, ‘marriage’ and ‘picture’.
“Oh… okay.. carry on.” I said and went. I was looking at her the whole day. She was cute at times. She laughed looking at the couple. And so on. We all were eating and then I saw she was packing her camera. I went near her and asked, “You had food?”
“Ah..” she turned back. “You, ya I had. By the way I am Ramya.” She stretched her hand towards me. I gave her my hand and said, “Vasu,”
“Ok Vasu, I have to go. Meet you some other time. Bye.” She waved and went away.
Ram Anna was the home minister and he knew all about what we did. My gang was slowly becoming famous. And this was something which Ram Anna hated. I was called for a sudden meeting with him at his place. I went and saw so many black cats giving him security. I was called in. Ram Anna was eating.
“Sit Vasu,” he said when I entered. His men cleared the room. It was only me and Ram anna.
“I have receiving complaints about your activities. What you are some Dawood or what?” he asked. I didn’t reply. He stood and came near me and started talking, “I still remember the day I saw you in that jail. I gave you a suggestion of leaving this crap but you were too adamant. I don’t blame you fully. It was your surroundings that influenced you. See Vasu, we are in a talking with the police for encountering all gang leaders. So stop all this. I give you an option to live.” I looked at him and said, “Option? I am in this business knowing that someday I have to die. So don’t give me such shit.” He was amazed by my talking.
“Would you mind giving respect to the home minister?” he asked.
“I am talking to gangster called Ram,” I said. He was angry now. He came near me and lifted me pulling my shirt. “Stop interfering in my business.” Now he was talking business. Drug peddling was his main business and we did it quite well. Hence his clients moved to us. He hates this now. I released his hand from my shirt and looking into eyes I said, “You said that you still remember those old days. Let me ask you something. Did you look into my eyes that day? I know you wouldn’t have so look at it now.” I went close to him. He looked into my eyes. I continued, “That day I had no fear. Today also there is no fear in my eyes. I am born for this. You can’t pluck a single hair from my body. So just shut it.”
“I released you that day. You should be thankful to me.” he said. I laughed and said, “If you haven’t done that then you knew that I would tell your name in that case. So to be safe you released me.” I started leaving but then I heard him saying,
“Vasu, the game has just begun. Save yourself.” I was irritated. I turned back and ran towards him. I pushed him on his dining table. I took my blade from my pocket and said, “one scratch on your neck.”
“Security… security…” he shouted. His black cats came and took me.
“Beat the shit out of him.” Ram ordered. They beat me for half a day. I was returning home. I was unable to walk. I was whipping. I fell down on the road. I was tortured. The next day I opened my eyes I saw myself in a hospital. Beside me stood Ramya.
“What happened to you?” she asked me.
“Nothing… you took me to the hospital?” I asked.
“Of course. You were unconscious on the road. What happened?” she was insisting on what had happened. I couldn’t lie to her. I told her every word of my life. She was amazed. “Why did you kill Khan?"
“I don’t know.” I said.
“I can’t believe this Vasu.” She said and moved out. She opened the door and I shouted from behind, “Don’t say you don’t like Me.” she turned back and said, “I didn’t say that!”
Slow and steadily we were falling in love and the best part of it is that you would never know when you actually fell in love! We liked each other. She had ordered me not to indulge in bad activities any more but you know how I am. I can’t stop this especially when my mind asks revenge for what Ram had done to me. Ram gave me tension, anger and what not for free. Every business dealing which I did was somehow been stopped by this Ram. It was time when I was low and only Ramya could help me when I was low. I was at her place. Her big bungalow had everything in it- all kind of emotions.
“Don’t get sad. I told you to leave this entire thing.” Ramya said.
“I can’t.” I said. She was angry. I could sense that from her tone. “See I don’t know anything else other than this.” I said.
“How lame? You can do better things Vasu.” She was adamant. I looked into her eyes and said, “You fear that I will die.” Her eyes filled again. I hated it when it fills with those tears.
“I know about that Ram. He would kill you.” She said sobbing.
“No he can’t.” we then talked for a while then suddenly Ramya asked me one thing, “You love me right?” I got pissed off now. “What kind of question is this Ramya?”
“Just say yes or no!”
“Of course I do.”
“Hmmm.. a gangster loving a millionaire’s girl. Nice story. What would be the title of the story?” she asked.
“title?” she gave me a nod. I was confused. “Every love story has a title.” She said “What is our title?”
“You can’t name our love,” I said. She seemed convinced. “UNTITLED.” She whispered and we kissed. But then I received a call from Mani.
“Yes?” I said.
“Our Cocaine, it’s gone!”
I was at our little warehouse where we secretly kept our drugs. We take it from one and we transfer it to other. Like middlemen and for that we get paid, this stock was about 20 lakh and now its stolen.
“Fucking hell, how did they find our warehouse?” Mani was tensed. I was walking here and there.
“Vasu, the stock was given by that Goa party. If he knows that we had lost it then we are gone.” Mani said.
“I know.. I know…”
“I know another party who has this stuff but it would take 25 lakhs,” Kishore told me.
“From where we can get 25 lakh?” Mani asked.
“Seth,.. yes… Himanshu seth.” I said.
“Who that kidnapper?”
“Yes,”
We were at Seth’s house. We told him the situation. He analyzed it and said. “I don’t have money right now but I can give you an idea. There is one person whom you have to kidnap. Get me 1.5 crores and I will give you 25 lakhs. What say?”
I was clueless but I had to get the money. I took a deep breath and said, “I will do. Whom do we have to kidnap?” Seth rose and gave me a photo. I turned to see who it was and I was shocked. I was trembling. It was Ramya’s photo.
“HER?” I asked.
“You know her?” Seth asked.
“No..” we came back to our place.
“Are you sure? You goanna do this?” Mani asked.
“I have to or else we all are screwed up.” We were at Ramya’s house. I saw her coming out. It was decided that I won’t talk. The talking will be done by Mani. Our van ran and in a second she was kidnapped. I was in the front and I covered my face with handkerchief. No man in this world would have kidnapped his girl friend but I did. I was kind of shaking. She was unconscious now. We were at Seth’s factory where we tied Ramya and covered her eyes. I was crying. I was tying the rope all around body just to get some money. That particular time I understood why Ramya wanted me to leave this job. We called her father and demanded 1.5 crores. He agreed to bring it near the broken bridge. When we were about to leave Ramya caught my hand. She was blind folded but she somehow grabbed my hand. “I know it’s you Vasu.” She said. now I was broken. I kneeled down and took her blind fold and cried on her lap. “I am sorry… I am sorry..”
“I told you to leave this thing.” She cried. I took her hand and slapped myself with it. “I am sorry I am sorry..” we both cried. Mani came running and said, “Vasu…money got stolen from her father.” I rose furiously. “WHAT?”
“They killed Ramya’s father and took away the money. Police is searching you Vasu.” Mani said. Ramya cried louder. I sat down thinking of what was happening then suddenly something struck on my head. “RAM.. God damn it.. its Ram who is doing all this. Seth is his close associate. He must have told him. Mani, take her to our warehouse I want her to be safe. I am taking down that monster.” I said. Ramya came near me and said, “I allow you to kill one person today!”
I was in Ram’s house. His security let me in. Ram came down from the stairs and said, “What brings you here my friend?”
“Ah…” I ran towards him and took my blade out and kept it one his neck and said, “Why did you kill Ramya’s father?”
“Securi..” he was about to shout but then I pressed blade more then he stopped. “You can’t kill me or else Ramya will die.”
“You don’t know where she is!” I said.
“Really? Look who is here!” he said and I saw the most dreadful thing of life. I saw Mani coming out of his room.
“Mani?” I was amazed.
“Cocaine. Kidnap. And now Ramya’s place. I know everything. You know where you went wrong my friend? TRUSTING PEOPLE. In this business you shouldn’t even trust your mother. Oh I see fear in your eyes.” Ram said. I was blown off. I never expected Mani would do this.
“Stay away from this business and I would return you Ramya.” Ram said. I looked at Mani.
“THERE IS NO VASU WITHOUT MANI.” I said. “But you see there is a Vasu without Mani,” I said and cut his neck with my blade. Ram was terrorized and tried to escape. I ran behind him and pushed him down.”What are you going to do with Ramya?”
“BOOM.” He said and laughed.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…. You know how I killed Khan?” I asked and did exactly the same with Ram. I was running towards the warehouse but before I could reach it was blown into pieces. I sat there cried but I suddenly saw someone crawling and coming out. I ran there and saw Ramya coming out. Her lower part was gone. No legs. She was crying in pain. I took her.
“You killed him?” she asked. I nodded. “Now kill me.” she said.. I cried. “No…”
“I can’t take this pain. Kill me Vasu. Please…” she shouted at me. She took her hand to my pocket and took the blade out.
“No Ramya.. no…” before I could stop her she decide her fate. She was on my lap dying and I couldn’t stop her. I let her go! It was not the physical pain but the emotional one.
NOW:
I was been dragged to police station. That was where I knew that Ram had escaped and is been hospitalized. I had to kill him so I made my plan. The blade had blood stains. I smiled and took it and cut my veins. I didn’t shout. I enjoyed the pain. I slowly was dragged to death. Moments later I saw nothing!
I opened my eyes and saw hospital. I was hoping that it was the same hospital where Ram was bought and luckily it was the same hospital. I looked around. I was in ICU. A doctor came in. he took his mask off and he was Kishore.
“I know you want to kill him!” he said and gave me a blade. “I will take you to him. He is transferred to operation theatre for stitches. I can get you in there. You do the rest,” he took me in a wheel chair saying it’s an emergency operation. It was full of security. he took me into the operation theatre.
“Hey whats going on?” the doctors inside the OT shouted. My friend took care of them with his gun. I saw Ram lying. I went near him and said, “You deserve more stitches, my friend!”
